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You'll Need More Than 4 Minutes

From MadonnaOnline.com.br comes this spectacular Madonna-through-the-ages megamix video. It's really creative in many instances; I love "Fever" blending into "Get Together." Reminds you of why you love her:

The Gay Boogie

Here come the brides.

I've always liked Ellen—I even sat through her sitcom, which was brilliant in fits and unfit for television in bits. I liked her more than I ever could have thought possible when she came out, was disappointed when I saw her in person and she did not radiate warmth (to be fair, I was with a camera crew and she probably thought we were after her, which we weren't) and have enjoyed her talk show to an extent. The extent to which I don't enjoy it is that every once in a while, it bugs me that the smart, hip, 50-year-old lesbian has to dance to engage her adult audience. I don't despise the dance, and I see it as a smart branding thing that she probably tripped into, but it comes off as phony. For me.

The rest of her show isn't phony; her bubbliness—unlike when Rosie had her talk show, whose fake persona I loathed—seems to be genuine. And while I sometimes wish she were more political (I hate when people say they're not political...we all should be since politics affects every facet of our lives), I have to give her credit for being openly, unapologetically gay. That is really enough.

But beyond that, she spoke passionately about Lawrence King this year in a move that really blew me away. And now that the conservative-heavy (so much for "activist judges") California supreme court has ruled that gay marriage should be legal (possibly going into effect within 30 days), Ellen has not let us—or herself—down: She's announced on her show that she plans to marry Portia de Rossi.

I think Ellen, with her visibility and her appeal to citizens from eight to 80, is probably the most important, directly impactful (even if it's not a word) figure in the gay-rights movement. And for that, I can overlook her cloying dance routine. In fact, her stealthy success at making a difference helps me understand what all that dancing could be about in the first place.

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Haunted Honeymoon

This can't be wrong, because my friend The Notorious J*O*E is always so right:

Guydar: Caught Looking

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Boogie Fights

Mark Wahlberg is featured on the cover of Men's Health (June 2008). It's interesting to me that his cover line is, "C'mon, man, take a swing!" and that he's photographed in a boxing ring given his propensity for beating people up:

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Sue Unhappy

I always liked Sue Simmons...strangely, I like her more now:

Sue from News 4 Cursing

I'm betting she was laying into a slow cue-card guy (wait, do they still have those?) or maybe even Chuck Scarborough.

More people in the media should be asking us this question. And we should be asking this question of more in the media.

Iron Weed

Former druggie Robert Downey Jr. looks hewn of iron himself in Italian Vanity Fair (7 Maggio 2008)...maybe it's the gaunt appearance caused by whatever he did to get into top shape for the box-office-topping superhero joint:

One more, squatting, after the jump...

Strapping Jocks

Fencer Aldo Montano is the hot coverguy on Italian Men's Health (Maggio 2008):

He also poses with fellow athletes Andrew Howe Besozzi and Filippo Magnini:

The same issue offers these hot jocks:

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What A Day To Be Gay In The Sea!

One of those gays!

We had tickets to City Center’s limited-run Encores! show No, No, Nanette! for tonight; we got them even before we had the idea of getting two puppies, or we might have thought twice. I mean, they would be alone for quite a while. So I dashed home twice to exhaust them and shower them with puppy treats for the long haul, and met José at the theater. Let me tell you something—No, No Nanette! is the equivalent of puppy treats for rich, old broads. I saw canes, walkers, wheelchairs and gurneys filled with classy carcasses sporting giant-framed glasses and tasteful bobs. More plastic surgery than the cast of Desperate Housewives. Oh, and Polly Bergen and Fran Drescher (complete with parents and gay-seeming ex-husband) showed, too.

The show has gotten raves. It grew on me (the first couple of songs are so stupid and forgettable I was rolling my eyes hard) as a good example of how—if not why—to stage a period show with style and energy. The star is Sandy Duncan, in a role that brought Ruby Keeler out of a four-decade retirement in 1971, but both Beth Leaven as her frenemy and the titular Nanette (Mara Davi) probably have meatier roles in this frothy romp about a young girl tired of hearing “no” and the Three’s Company-style shenanigans encompassing her aunt, uncle and pretty much everyone else in the vicinity.

Still, there was something heartwarming about seeing Sandy Duncan, a familiar face absent for a while, doing two elaborate tap-dancing, high-kicking routines at the age of 62!

Equally winning was Rosie O’Donnell as wise-cracking maid Pauline. She gets the best one-liners and delivers them with far better comedic timing that she seems to have at her disposal if you judge her based on her stand-up act. And when she emerges toward the end and performs a nifty tap routine, it nearly brought the house down. What a pleasant surprise! I’d gotten tickets in case she wound up being a spectacle and she turned out to be spectacular.

The show is a little creaky, but if done this energetically works fine. There were several phrases that sounded surprisingly more modern, making me wonder if they’d been inspired by the show—Michael Berresse as Billy Early exclaiming, “Get busy!” comes to mind.

I can’t say this would be a Broadway smash, but a lot of work obviously went into it, and if Thoroughly Modern Millie could soar, why not this? (Just go from two intermissions to one, please.)

Before the show, Patti LuPone gave an award to Douglas S. Cramer, whose name you’ll recognize from schlocky TV shows (Love Boat, Dynasty, you name it) yet whose real passion has always been the stage. I found the story created by her speech and his acceptance more interesting than the show itself—a gay man who makes multi-millions in bad TV only to spend all his free time sponsoring the revitalization of classic Broadway scores. Plus he’s ancient and openly gay, all the more inspiring.

My Name Is Dita, I'll Be Your Ticketmistress Tonight

Getting Madonna tickets this a.m. as part of the Madonna fan club (Icon) "legacy" member pre-sale was not as stressful as I'd imagined, nor were the tickets astonishingly great...but they're all really good floor seats, so that is a plus. I think the front-row seats I had last time MIGHT have come when a fellow fan wrote me to say MSG had just released a new batch of tickets, and that I got them by being near my computer and hitting Ticketmaster fast and furious. No matter, I'm for sure going to see multiple nights.

Ironically, the images above and below were two of the codes I had to type in on Ticketmaster—note Madonna is "Esther" and I think, with tix topping out just under $400 after all the extras, "shattered wealth" is self-explanatory!

P.S. I'm pretty sure to have extra tickets for NJ and NYC when all is said and done, and am not a scalper, in case anyone wants to put out feelers to me.

Fernando's Hide

Forty-two-year-old Mexican sun-worshiper Fernando Colunga looks like a polished brass totem in TV y Novelas (Mayo 6, 2008)...he's a bit much without going over:

Two more after el jump...

Fine Dandy

Terry Tsiolis captures Hayden Christensen for Man About Town (spring-summer 2008) at his fine-and-dandiest:

More after the jump...

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Puppies As Metaphors

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I’ve been trying to think of ways to write about my new Shih-Tzu puppies, littermates Hyphen (boy) and Sash (girl), without being one of those annoying bloggers going e-googly over his pets, but in reality it’s hard to figure out what I even want to say. It’s difficult to put into words how it feels to suddenly be caring for something tiny and only recently alive, so utterly dependent and so fiercely stubborn. When they lie on their backs and kick like babies as we stroke their fat little bellies, it elicits an unexpectedly paternal feeling. I feel like a mother dog with her ears pricked up whenever they yelp (usually while roughhousing) or do something they shouldn’t. Or do exactly what they're supposed to...GOOD BOY! GOOD GIRL! [Insert stock footage of hand offering treat.]

I have noticed there are a lot of lessons to be learned from this brand-new experience (today was their ninth DAY with us), many metaphors. They’re teaching me about time-management, about what really matters to me (not only them, but their pressing needs have helped to push some driftwood aside), about justice (try refereeing) and about simple joy.

Pictures I’ve taken of them suggest different things for me—one, of them running like nothing else in life matters, called to mind the movement to free Tibet since their breed originates in that oppressed country.

But as far as metaphors go, the most important thing I’ve had to figure out pretty quickly is that whatever the puppies might mean to me on a deeper level, regardless of what they’ll bring to my life over time, puppies make lousy metaphors because there is no time to ponder when one is hungry, barking, in distress or searching for a far-away, inappropriate place to poop.

Happy Day, You Mother

Today I overheard a mom with her tiny son (about four) as they walked past me. He was pointing urgently at a shiny silver car and saying, "Mommy! Mommy! SILVER!" I thought that was an impressive thing to point out as opposed to just, "Car!"

Mommy said, "Yes, honey...it's grayish silver."

Good luck, kid, it's going to be a hard life.

...Who Need People

The marrying kind.

The May 19, 2008, edition of People almost got left behind in the grocery store—I hate to contribute to Mariah Carey's blatantly sham marriage and she's on the cover—but I did find some good stuff in there. I've been semi-oblivious to Brothers & Sisters, but did catch the sweet proposal between Matthew Rhys and Luke MacFarlane. I can only imagine what this kind of thing on TV does for youngsters who are realizing they may also be gay. All I remember having was An Early Frost, which was a whole lot of good news wrapped in a whole lot of bad.

I also thought the Mother's Day-themed Dierks Bentley pic was adorable:

A face a mother and everyone else could love.

I would only see Mamma Mia! if it were free and slid into my sked easily, but I'm dying to see Julie & Julia, a comedy coming in 2009 that stars Meryl Streep as Julia Child:

Now she's cookin'.

Finally, if Mariah—so famously controlling of which side of her face is photographed—was the person who sold these images of her wedding to People, you'd think she would sooner die than release this one. She looks pretty great lately, but in this shot she looks like something out of The Dark Crystal or a sea monkey:

Own a BOWLFULL OF HAPPINESS—Instant Pets!

Gettin' Pussy

From the Edicion USA of TV Notas (Mayo 13, 2008), this is a person—a man—who has used tattooing and surgery and piercing to make himself into a catman. This might be the most nightmarish visage I've seen yet, even if it makes Jocelyne Wildenstein raise her tail.

Guydar: Baker's Dozen

More after the jump...

The Homosexual Gourmand

From OK! (May 19, 2008) and Life & Style (May 19, 2008), Robert Buckley reveals why he is fast becoming the new Matthew "McConaughey, where's my shirt?":

Speaking of OK!, their "Man Candy" is farmerboy Matt Neustadt of Farmer Wants A Wife, a show that I think is a steaming pile of manure. And despite his nice bod (is it possible to have meth face in the country?), does anyone else think this promo shot implies that the women are his livestock?:

Superhot toreador Cayetano Rivera Ordonez gets a pass for working in an inexcusable profession on account of his killer ass and well, everything else. He appears in a spread in Italian Vanity Fair (7 Maggio, 2008) alongside Penelope Cruz:

More men after the jump...

iJust Take The Pictures

More recent shots from iLOVESNEWYORK. Some of the shots end up being pretty disturbing, others are just striking for reasons deep and shallow.

In Fashion

Artist Roberto Gonzales Fernandez and photographer Camilla Akrans collaborated on "Imagery Inspired By Works Of Art Shown Together To Find A Context In Which Fashion Tells A True Story," from Man About Town (spring-summer 2008):

More after the jump...

Ends Of The World Squared