Dianetics To Go

I find this display Travolting!

I absolutely hate it when people perform for me on the subway. It's in-your-face enough to have even the most liberal New Yorker ready to throw a match on the First Amendment rather than a few coins into an aggressively outthrust hat. Just as annoying is when people perform on the subway system but not actually on the train, often at a major hub—I am no longer impressed by their trapped-in-the-’80s acrobatics, original rap, and not-so-original mimicry of heard-too-often standards. It's especially hard to admire them when you can't even get around them thanks to the crowd of patronizing tourists and locals who all but pat the darlings on the head for clogging the system even more than it already was. Dance if you must, but don't dance between me and a stairway leading to where I need to go.

But fuck if I should have to put up with the legendarily opportunistic Church Of Scientology setting up shop inside the New York transit system, as they did this weekend at Port Authority. They often have their tables with "free stress tests!" set up along 42nd Street—I hate street vendors, too, since 90% of them are shady guys carrying giant blankets full of blatantly bootlegged and/or stolen purses that all the law-and-order-Republican tourists have no problem buying. With the Scientologists, their stress-test tables attract a steady flow of clueless types who have no idea the test is a part of Scientology. I always want to walk by and say, "Pssst! Hey, do you realize this is Scientology? Do you know they believe in space aliens, not Jesus?" I bring Jesus into it not because he's my explanation of choice, but because I've never once seen a person sit down for that test who did not look like a wayward Christian soldier.

Shouldn't the Church Of Scientology, if it's so (you should pardon the expression) hell-bent on being considered a church, be banned from working within the New York transit system? And shouldn't any non-religious/non-cult (take yer pick) business also be banned from hucksterism on public property?

What's next? Begging for my soul while holding the door for me at my cash station? As much as I despise Scientology, I have to say I would be just as pissed off if this were Baptists or McDonald's. What does it say about our transit system that they would allow an entity to set up shop like that at the Port Authority? Very comforting. Bring back the obnoxious singers.

Feel free to complain.

UPDATE: After the jump, the MTA's response to my complaint.

Response from the MTA. Underlines are mine, indicating the MTA's misunderstanding (I'm not complaining about flyers which would be bad enough, I'm complaining about the fact that a group could take whole tables into the station and set up shop. And we're supposed to believe the system is patrolled if that is possible?) and also the mistake in location (I encountered the issue at Port Authority, not Union Station). Anyway, it's nice that they responded:

-----Original Message-----
From: MTA Email
To: mattrett@aol.com
Sent: Tue, 7 Aug 2007 09:45:53 -0400 (Z)
Subject: Why is Scientology allowed to set up tables INSIDE the subway lines? Incident: 070805-000024

DO NOT REPLY TO THIS MESSAGE.

Recently you requested personal assistance from our on-line support
center. Below is a summary of your request and our response.

Subject
---------------------------------------------------------------
Why is Scientology allowed to set up tables INSIDE the subway lines?

Discussion Thread
---------------------------------------------------------------
Response (Melissa Glasgow) - 08/07/2007 09:45 AM
We regret the incident you report as having occurred while using our subway
system.

Please be assured that the safety and security of our customers is our primary
concern and we will continue our efforts in this regard. We are continuing to
work with the New York City Police Department’s Transit Bureau to address
problems like the one you described, as they occur in the system. We are well
aware of the problem of people distributing flyers in the subway, and we are
continuing to work with the New York City Police Department’s Transit Bureau to
address it. To that end, there are signs explaining rules of conduct prominently
posted on the front of every subway token booth. Smoking, littering and creating
any unsanitary or hazardous condition in the subway system are against the law
and violators are subject to fine, arrest, and/or ejection.
http://www.mta.info/nyct/rules/rules.htm

In response to your concerns, we have forwarded copies of your e-mail to
supervision in our Division of Service Delivery and New York City Police
Department’s Transit Bureau for their review and investigation. New York City
Police Department’s Transit Bureau is vigilant in thwarting illegal activity
where it is found in the subway. Their officers patrol the subway at all times,
both in uniform and undercover, and will take this opportunity inspect the Union
Square station and take the necessary measures to ensure a proper, safe and
convenient environment for all our customers.

Should you have any further station-related concerns, we encourage you to
contact our Department of Subways' Division of Service Delivery at (718)
243-3222 from 8:00 am to 5:00 pm, Monday through Friday or write to the Division
of Service Delivery, Complaints and Correspondence, 130 Livingston Plaza, Room
60088b, Brooklyn, NY 11201, regarding any transit-related matter.

We take the concerns of our customers very seriously and thank you for bringing
this matter to our attention.

Andrea Popp
Staff Analyst ll

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Customer (Matthew Rettenmund) - 08/05/2007 12:35 PM
On Saturday, after I paid to ride the A,C,E line, INSIDE the station (ie, after
the payment and just before you walk down to board the trains), the "Church" of
Scientology had tables set up offering stress tests and promoting their
"religion" and/or their business. Why on earth is this ever allowed? No business
or religion should be afforded this access. I want a response. I have a picture
of the occurrence and plan to promote this as a serious breach of the MTA's
security and ethics.

Question Reference #070805-000024
---------------------------------------------------------------
MTA Service: NYC Transit Subway
Category: Complaint
Date Created: 08/05/2007 12:35 PM
Last Updated: 08/07/2007 09:45 AM
Status: Closed
Date/Time of Event: 08/04/2007 08:30 AM

Location of Event
---------------------------------------------------------------
Port Authority, after you pay, near the A,C,E entrance

Comments

[kenneth]

These loons are actually a fixture in the 42nd St./Times Square station. I walk past them each day I go to work but for me it brings a smile to my face as it brings back memories of my childhood. Having experienced it themselves, my friends took me to the Church of Scientology Visitors Center back in Royal Oak to have my personality "audited," knowing full well it would lead the L. Ron Hubbard-ites to recommend massive rehabilitation. The staff was horrified by my results (it seems Tom Cruise & the Gang frown upon sarcasm) and suggested a litany of costly cures. My friends and I began to laugh hysterically and went running out of the joint, not realizing it was our ticket to stardom ...

http://kennethinthe212.blogspot.com/2006/11/photo-flashback-1985_15.html

[Tomi]

From Wiki:

On the morning of Sunday, July 22, 2007, a body thought to be that of Jeremy Blake was discovered 4.5 miles off the coast of Sea Girt, New Jersey (which is 35 miles south of Rockaway Beach). Police announced on July 31, 2007 that they had identified his body.
According to friends and family of the couple along with various news reports, Jeremy Blake and Theresa Duncan believed that they were being followed and harassed by Scientologists up to the time of their deaths. Blake also included his allegations of harassment by Scientologists and others in a 27-page "chronicle" he prepared for a lawsuit he planned to file.