I know I sound like a Golden Age of Hollywood geezer shaking his fist at the disheveled likes of young Dustin Hoffman and young Diane Keaton when compared to Clark Gable and Katharine Hepburn, but: These kinds of people (pictured) should not be stars. When you start deciding mundane do-nothings are celebrities, you have to read about them "reluctantly" confirming they're dating 20-year-old pipeline workers.

Ah, the escapism of it all!