By Johnny Lopez & Josh Wells

I'm throwing a bone to the Gaga-haters (this inspired if unconscionably mean triptych) only because the very first thing I thought of when I saw Lady Gaga's Machete Kills teaser image was Madonna at the Oscars in 1991, and the very first thing I thought of when I saw Madonna at the Oscars in 1991 was Marilyn Monroe. I'm glad Gaga is trying her hand at acting, but you couldn't pay me to see this movie with Mel Gibson and Charlie Sheen in it.