102 posts categorized "AUTOGRAPHS"

Dec 02 2014
John Hancock-Tease: Liza Minnelli Comments (0)

Autograph-Liza-Minnelli

Working for a literary agent who had once repped Vincente Minnelli, I had easy access to his widow's address. With absolutely no concept of the bad blood between her and her step-daughter Liza, I wrote Liza Minnelli a Valentine's Day card around the time of Results, which to this day is among my Top 10 favorite albums.

She replied, returning to me several pages from a fashion magazine and the above B&W hand-out shot dutifully signed.

I'm going to go with the story that she was my Valentine that year.

 
Nov 29 2014
Reynolds Rap Comments (0)

Burt-Reynolds-auction-2

Burt Reynolds is broke. To satisfy over a million dollars in mortgage payments, he's auctioning off what appears to be his life's collection of memorabilia, which includes priceless stuff like his Golden Globe and People's Choice Awards, as well as cringeworthy fan art.

Burt-Reynolds-auction-1

The oddest thing I saw was this painting of Madonna. Why he has it, I can't begin to guess, but she sure would've been a fun addition to Cannonball Run (1981).

Madonna

 
Nov 27 2014
John Hancock-Tease: Oprah Winfrey Comments (0)

Autograph-Oprah-Winfrey

When I was working for a literary agent, my boss was the coolest chick ever, a female power bottom who was channeling all of her sexual energy into making me organize the files.

But she had a wicked sense of humor, too, and we made a dangerous amount of mischief, sometimes in the mail. When Oprah Winfrey lost every ounce of fat from her body (remember how stick-think she was?), Sandra thought it would be hilarious to write her and ask for her fat clothes.

The above letter is the actual response we received...we were not the only panhandling fatties!

 
Nov 20 2014
John Hancock-Tease: Debbie Harry Comments (0)

Autograph-Debbie-Harry copy

I was obsessed with Debbie Harry because my older cousin had been into Blondie, so I felt this was one easy way to be cool. Of course, solo Debbie was very uncool; she couldn't even buy a Top 40 hit. But it was too late, I'd bought all of Blondie's albums and was drinking up Debbie's first two solo record, so was dying to hear her follow-up.

I wrote a fan letter to...somewhere. I don't know. I probably found an address in a British teen mag, the only place you'd find a 40-year-old popstar's address pre-Internet. Months later, a gorgeous postcard arrived with a fab autograph on it, urging me (on the back) to listen for a new album in 1989, which turned out to be Def, Dumb & Blonde.

I was livid that the USPS had stamped all over the autograph and picture, but I was also dying that the Greta Garbo of pop was re-emerging soon. I couldn't have even imagined then that Blondie would reunite and embark on tours so often I could afford to skip some of them, and that I would eventually meet her a few times. If the postcard had said that, I might have dropped out of college.

 
Nov 17 2014
John Hancock-Tease: Marky Mark Comments (0)

Autograph-Mark-Wahlberg

I first heard Marky Marky and the Funky Bunch in Chicago's famed Gramaphone record store, one of whose employees had inexplicably once scissored me like we were lesbians, which was a sexual maneuver for men that never seemed to be effective for anything except transmitting rectal warts, perhaps.

I loved the song. It was stupid-good, and good-stupid.

The singer was my type, was everyone's type. So I bought a bunch of pictures of him whenever I could.

When I moved to NYC, he was releasing a book that he had dedicated to his penis (which was a coincidence, as I was dedicated to his penis as well), so I showed up to a booksigning he was having in Greenwich Village. Surprise! It was all gay men.

The rule was we could only have our books signed, but I brought a stack of sexy magazine tearsheets. When I got up to him, I spread them out quickly as his guards jumped to remove them. He waved them off and signed them without even looking, including this image of his ass being bared by his brother. The picture had everything: Muscles! Ass! Incest-adjacent inappropriateness!

And now it had Marky Mark's funky signature.

I wish he wasn't such a douchebag, because he really does have a nice ass.

 
Nov 15 2014
John Hancock-Tease: Robert Joy Comments (0)

Img948

I saw Side Show in previews (review coming Monday, November 17, when the show opens) and took advantage of the opportunity to meet the last major cast member of Desperately Seeking Susan who I had yet to meet: Robert Joy. Joy plays the original daddy/conservator in Side Show and was, of course, Madonna's punker boyfriend in DSS.

Robert-Joy-Side-Show-Desperately-Seeking-SusanJimmmmmyyyy!

Waited afterward at the theater's incredibly awkward stage door area (actors find themselves walking down a long hall with patrons after the action ends) and Robert was, well, a joy—very nice. He signs with his right hand, but holds the Sharpie in his fist as he does it. He happily posed for a picture (I was bummed he'd just put on his hat). 

Joy recently turned 63.

Check out the time I met most of the DSS cast here, my favorite Madonna meeting here and meeting Laurie Metcalf here.

 
Nov 13 2014
John Hancock-Tease Comments (0)

Autograph-Eric Hanson

When I worked in porn (don't get excited, it was for magazines and I wasn't in them), part of my job was to make up model copy so the utterly dull models would sound like they were fascinating. Or at least, so the utterly sexy models would sound sexy in a way that translated to print. So I did a lot of stories about guys who bragged that they were secretly total homos no matter what they told their girlfriends, which of course the real-life models absolutely loved reading. #deaththreats

Rarely, I would do real interviews on the phone with guys. One of them must have been with Eric Hanson, a totally famous porn star who I do not remember talking to. But I must've, because that's how I would've had his address to ask him to sign a page from the feature. He wrote me the above sticky and sweet note that looks like it was written by a girlfriend.

Autograph-straight

I was much more attached to Rick Koch, who was superhot, superhairy and gave a me a scorching-hot interview considering he was also straight. In spite of the fact that I was so cock-blinded by him that I misspelled his name as Rich in the magazine, he generously signed a photo of his peen for me, playfully asking me to lend him a hand in the shower.

I was, after all, an editor with the power to run these guys again and again.

Whoever said porn stars are not smart probably places too much emphasis on arts and literature.

 
Nov 10 2014
John Hancock-Tease Comments (0)

Autograph-Brooke-Shields

When I first, first started getting into pursuing celebs for autographs, and before I cooled on it for decades, I heard Brooke Shields was making an appearance at Marshall Field's to promote something truly ridiculous in the women's department, and I knew I had to go. Unlike my experiences with Elizabeth Taylor and Cher—both of whom had spoken from a stage to a crowd of hundreds, both of whom I'd been able to ask questions of—I would actually get to meet Brooke.

When I thought of Brooke Shields, I thought of Pretty Baby, Blue Lagoon and Calvin Klein. I figured presenting her with a photo of her hairless gotch would result in an arrest, I had no Blue Lagoon materials on me and I was perplexed about how to work in the CK reference. Then I remembered her blunt anti-smoking commercial, and I knew I had to have her sign a book of matches. Why not? I'd mailed Sally Field a pocket Bible to sign in honor of The Flying Nun.

She was really nice and signed the matches and a poster, making me feel I was not a “real loser.”

 


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