Basically everyone I've ever met is in this hilarious Downton Abbey spoof, entitled Snore. You will love it, even if you love the show...

Sexy, Scruff-appropriate dancer Fabrice Calmels is introducing The Ballet Monsters, a new brand that helps remind people, and teach kids, that ballet is cool as well as hawt...

High-schooler Jessica Simpson belts one out from A Chorus Line. What's the verdict...is her decision to go the pop route Broadway's loss, or everyone else's, um, gain?

Video after the jump...

Above, an occasionally shirtless gallery of photos from The 7th Annual Broadway Beauty Pageant.

Monday night was The 7th Annual Broadway Beauty Pageant, a ribald affair that pits chorus boys from various Broadway shows against each other based on their talent, their ability to sell the good in a swimsuit and their answers to random questions. It raises money for The Ali Forney Center, so attracts a lot of support. The show's celebrity judges don't hurt, either—this year featured Andrea Martin (Pippin), Michael Urie (Buyer & Cellar—best play I've seen in years) and Billy Porter (Kinky Boots—I hate that I could not get review tickets to this show, of all shows!), all of whom had just won Drama Desk Awards for their performances the day before.

(L-R) Pageant Queens (and Kings) Orion, Yurel, Matthew, Callan, Paul & Julius.

For the first time, the event was held at NYU's Skirball Center in the Village. Timing being what it is, the event fell on the same day that people from all over the city were gathering down the street to protest the wave of anti-LGBT violence that has swept NYC, including the cold-blooded murder of Mark Carson. It was quite a night-and-day experience for anyone who managed to hit both events, a chance to experience rage and grief before settling into irreverent tomfoolery and balls-out (not literally, unfortch) entertainment.

We arrived early for the red carpet. An adorable couple macked on my companion (why do people assume we're not together?), I had a juicy political chat with an anybody-but-Christine-Quinn operative and I saw my buddies Curtis and Peter. The carpet was somewhat disappointing this year in that two of the judges avoided it, I somehow missed the superdreamy Max von Essen and even the contestants only popped out for a brief photo op. (In the past, I've sometimes interviewed the guys before the show and have had access to the judges.) But on the bright side, the one judge I did get, after she sat with Cindy Adams for a Q&A, was the one I was dying for...the legendary Andrea Martin!

I have not yet seen Pippin (I'm gonna!), but I have heard nothing but raves. Martin, a household name among households with taste for her SCTV past alone, was a total delight. Before our brief interview, she did a pic-with and used it as a way of checking her hair and makeup. "I wish I had someone do that for me tonight!" she fretted, before saying her dress was ridiculous, too. (It wasn't. She is 66 and looks amazing!)

After I'd reassured her that my video camera had a cheap light on it that would blow her out like an Andy Warhol Polaroid of Joan Collins, she answered my questions warmly and gamely, including my query about what, if anything, in her career was something she still can't believe she did or is even embarrassed to admit she did. Who knew that she made a movie in 1971  for Ivan Reitman called Foxy Lady in which she had a brief nude scene? (She claims no one has ever seen it.)

Paul McGill, Andrea Martin, Seth Sikes & Tovah Feldshuh: What a great cast they'd make!

I was also excited to connect with Paul McGill, whom I had encountered when he was plugging his 2009 role in the remake of Fame. He's an amazingly gifted dancer; if you never saw his beauty in the reenactment parts of the spellbinding documentary Man on Wire (2008), you're missing out.

Inside, we were treated to box seating, which was great for the view but less than ideal for shooting. (The judges were stage left, as were we, so I got precious few shots of them.) Great venue, though.

Mike Ruiz & Martin Berusch looking faboosh.

Jane, Joseph & James Clementi, the family of the late Tyler. James told me he loved the show.

Carl Siciliano said my Encyclopedia Madonnica was a staple of his youth. Wondering what he looks like nekkid is a staple of my oldth.

Oink Tank: Dave Hughes (VP of marketing & PR) & co-founder David Lauterstein of Nasty Pig.

Former Mr. Broadway Marty Cummings shows off both of his best sides at once.

Kinky Boots queenpin Billy Porter.

Nathan Lee Graham flips out.

For the sixth year in a row, Tovah Felshuh, 60, was our filthy emcee. The show is set up very loosely, so there's plenty of awkward time to fill. Tovah is the ideal host for the times when you need someone with a faulty filter to vamp.

Tovah really  has a way with cum jokes.

Before getting raunchy, though, Tovah gave a moving speech in remembrance of Mark Carson that brought down the house and reminded us all that along with fun and games, our community knows how to get pissed off and get involved.

The show was a hoot, as always, from its Our Gang-esque let's-put-on-a-show opening (McGill was the evening's volunteer choreographer) to featured performer Nathan Lee Graham's appearances as a Diana Ross-esque "Fairy Godmother."

"Oh, we are the chorus, we hope you like our show..."

The eventual winner allegedly didn't know it was a contest until the day-of.

Watching six performers trying to outdo each other on the same stage is bliss.

The guys competing for the title of Mr. Broadway were:

Callan Bergmann (from Silence! The Musical), Orion Griffiths (Pippin), Julius C. Carter (Spider-Man), Matthew Goodrich (The Nance), Paul Heesang Miller (Mamma Mia) and Yurel Echezarreta (Matilda).

Urie was particularly devilish with his critiques and questions.

Tense moments. These bitches wanted to win!

Michael Prince wasn't even a contestant, yet he won the big-dick contest. Gulp.

This 12(!)-year-old French bitch can dance! I assure you, had I used my rented ($50 a day) VHS camera back in 1985 to film my elaborate "Into the Groove" routine, it would have been 10X smuttier, and one-tenth as technically dazzling...

CHECK OUT THE "WORK UNFRIENDLY" SHOTS AT MY TUMBLR.

My pal Jason had to remind me about Broadway Bares: Solo Strips at XL tonight, which I attended following a friend's book-signing. It was pretty crowded, probably because there was only one show this time.

I bought an inseam's worth of raffle tickets from the one on the left. I lost, but still won.

The audience contained plenty of Broadway Bares-backers, including many who'd shucked their clothes in the past for the same cause: To raise cash for Broadway Cares/Equity Fights AIDS. Andrew Glaszek and Matthew Steffens were among those scouting the competition. (Okay, okay: Supporting friends. Okay, fine: Ogling friends.)

 

Above, a gallery filled with sexy bodies and skin, skin, skin

The program was as lean as its stars, featuring short but sweet (more like fast and dirty) performances of the variety that used to get ladies with bad reputations hauled off to the hoosegow just a few decades ago. But as always, the men of Broadway Bares managed to be racy without getting distastefully raunchy. Maybe it's because, as Broadway professionals, they never forget to SMILE.

Just saw this installment of a long series today: Dancing with an iPod in Public, this time to the strains of Wham!'s "Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go." Cute...

Above, Harry Styles poses with his mannequin-alike in Life & Style (May 6, 2013). Below, Sean Lowe shows off his Hydroxycut bod in both OK! (May 6, 2013) and Star (May 6, 2013):

More after the jump...

Dan Savage's love

Dan Savage's hunk husband speaks.

Wedding bells for Dawn French!

An al-Qaeda terror attack is thwarted in Canada.

Paraguay's new prez has troglodytic views on gays.

Amazing Keith Haring video.

SATELLITE DISH: Gossip from MTV's earliest days.

Dzhokhar Tsarnaev charged for using WMD by feds.

White House sticking to Constitution.

Gun Owners of America honcho: Liberals "pleased" with bombing.

Bette Midler "adored" the "terrifying" Sue Mengers.

Angelyne has a not-so-nice trip.

Who would Jesus abort?

Only 3 known SF earthquake (1906!) survivors.

Barbra regrets not doing Cabaret, Klute and Julia.

Michael Michaud dishes on the late Sal Mineo.

Sofia Vergara's "great time" as a transsexual.

Meet the Imam into gays and marriage equality.

Janice Dickinson broke? 

Brenda Dickson broke and homeless?

Roberto Bolle coming to NYC.

How to find sex...offline?

Folsom Street East is off.

Phyllis Diller's final TV gig: Dukes of Melrose.

Teamsters vs. Westboro: Guess who won?

Pop Tarts: Portraits of Women up for grabs.

CRAZY FOR IT: 'Mazing Madonna megamix.

Madonna's homeless brother injured during arrest.

How Mack Sennett created Studio City.

Pop-up exhibit of Madonna's iconic wardrobe at Macy's in L.A.

Dress her up

Alphaville's Marian Gold by Shiraz Fuman

I recently ruminated about the fact that Debbie Harry has never had a Top 40 solo hit in the U.S., and had no problem at all coming up with 12 of her songs that deserved it.

Now, I've put together a list of 50 of my favorite songs of the '80s that failed to hit the Top 40 on Billboard's Hot 100. In some cases, these are the biggest songs of the decade, songs you simply can't believe were not bigger chart hits. In other cases, these are fantastic pop singles that simply failed to cut the mustard. And in still other cases, these are just songs that seemed squarely aimed at the Top 40 and were by acts who'd had not trouble breaking through earlier.

Enjoy, and please comment back with your own suggestions for songs I forgot...