And don't get excited by "Sarah Palin: HER LESBIAN SECRET," because her lesbian secret is revealed to be that she's anti-gay and doesn't mind that her children are, too.
Inside, the magazine claims John Travolta recently fought with his wife Kelly Preston, leaving her for a "boys-only vacation with "three buddies" at a spa where they all—wait for it—"got massages, skin treatments, had lunch delivered to them in the private sanctuary—and relaxed together in the steam room and Jacuzzi."
The official list of "Who's Gay & Who's Not"s:
Natalee Holloway's probable murderer...gay? Struggling for people to write about, NE includes him because he's now in "a Peruvian prison where AIDS is rampant and sexual assaults are a constant threat that he fights of on a daily basis. He'd better pray his fellow gay inmates never got to see him featured on the gay website, Planet Homo, which once displayed a full-frontal nude photo of the infamous 23-year-old Dutchman and poked fun at his manly shortcomings. Although a notorious womanizer, Joran is always watching his back." Because prison rape is huh-larious. I'm not losing sleep over anything bad happening to him, but I think rooting for prison rape is barbaric and homophobic. Plus, if he's nothing to look at naked, why would he have to fear his fellow gay inmates? And finally: Are the guys who are raping other guys in prison really gay? Hardly. (P.S. "Full-frontal nude" is not the same as "naked but covering it with your hand.")